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• I think that Barry Manilow is one cool dude.
• Her boobs are just too big.
• Sometimes I just want to be held.
• Sure I’d love to wear a condom.
• I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask directions.

1. Could our relationship be more physical? I’m tired of just being friends.
2. Go ahead and leave the seat up, it’s easier for me to douche that way.
3. I think hairy butts are really sexy
4. Hey, get a whiff of that one.
5. Please don’t throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpits are just too cute.
6. This diamond is way too big.

A man was sitting in a bar, looking at his drink for half an hour.

Then, a big trouble-making truck driver stands next to him, takes the drink from him, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me.

When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing.

I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar.

And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

• Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
• Good news, the test results are negative!
• Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
• Hey, I lost my phone number … Can I have yours?
• If I followed you home, would you keep me?

One night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Uncle Bill died. He woke up and that evening, his dad got a call saying that Uncle Bill died. The next night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Aunt Joy died. He woke up, and then that evening, his dad got a call saying that Aunt Joy died. He told his daddy, “Two days ago, I had a dream Uncle Bill died, and then yesterday, I had a dream Aunt Joy died.

His dad said, “that’s just a coincidence.”

The next morning he tells his dad, “I had a dream that my dad died.”

His dad was terrified. He had the worst day at work and took every precaution. He didn’t eat any of the food in case of food poisoning, and he drove slowly in case of a car wreck. When he finally got home, Little Johnny’s mom asks him how his day at work was. “Much more horrible than your day I’m sure,” his dad replied.

“I don’t know,” said his mom, “The milkman dropped dead on the front porch today!